Why Wasn't I Good Enough?
by Charmed Ones Mother
Summary: Paige is expecting her and Henry's first child. She begins to doubt her right to become a mother because of being put into foster care right after her birth. She summons Patty to find out why she wasn't good enough to keep.


**Title:** _Why wasn't I Good Enough?_

**Summary:** _Paige is four months pregnant with her and Henry's first child. She becomes more depressed and Henry and her sisters worry about her. Paige finally decides to summon Patty and finally unload her hurt and her insecurities on why Patty made the decision to give her up when she was born._

**Author:** _CharmedOnesMother a.k.a. PaigeSuperWhiteLighter_

**Category:** _Spiritual / Drama / Romance / Tragedy_

**Rating:** _T - Due to strong language_

**CHAPTER ONE**

**THE SUMMONS**

Paige took a deep breath as she set the last candle in the circle that she had placed at the end of her bed. She knew that she should do this summons in the attic. She knew that she should have let her sisters in on it; it was their mother also; but for this meeting Paige needed to be with her mother **ALONE**. So she had locked her bedroom door and casted an anti orbing spell so Leo couldn't orb Piper and Phoebe in to interrupt her and Patty. That way her sisters couldn't yell at her for being so selfish by hording their mother to herself.

Paige slowly lit each candle as she moved around the circle in a clock wise motion. She finally stopped at the last candle that was closets to her vanity mirror. She sat down in her chair facing the circle that she had created. She wiped her hands which had become sweaty when she had paused after she lit the fourth to last candle of her circle.

Paige took some deep shaky breaths as she tried to control her breathing. She knew that she could forget everything and just blow out the candles. She could very easily return the candles to the attic and her sisters wouldn't know any different. But Paige Matthews wasn't a back off person. Once she made up her mind about something she did it. There was no going back.

But this was different from anything she had done in her life. This was finally getting the truth from the horses mouth; sorry the truth from her mother's mouth. Not her adopted mother but her biological mother; her birth mother. Paige was scared that she couldn't handle the truth.

_But I need the truth. I can't go on without the truth. How can I be the mother to this child of Henry and mine if I don't know the truth?_ Paige stood to her feet and closed her eyes. She said the summons of a loved one spell.

Lights sparkled as Patty slowly formed. Her eyes lit up with a soft smile as she saw that it was her youngest daughter whom had summered her forth. "Paige." She cried in a glad voice as she finally finished formed. She was still in her spirit body because she couldn't become transparent until the one who had summered her allowed her too.

Paige opened her eyes and saw her mother's spirit self. She nodded her head letting her mother know that she wished for her to step away from the candles and become transparent.

"Hello darling." Patty said as she stepped away from the candles and became a solid form. She held out her arms for her daughter to walk in between so she could hold her daughter close to her once again.

Paige remained where she was sitting. She just looked up into her mother's eyes with such sadness and longing in her eyes.

"Paige?" Patty knelt down so she could kneel in front of her daughter. "What's going on darling?" She brought her right hand to run down her youngest long raven black hair.

"Why wasn't I good enough?" Paige whispered as a tear slid down her check.

"Of course you were good enough ... are good enough." Patty softly said moving her face closer so she could kiss her youngest on the forehead.

At the feel of her mother's lips on her skin; the wall around her heart began crumble. But she realized how valuable that she was and she knew she had to protect herself from her mother. Paige jerked away from her mother banging her back against her vanity table in the process. She blinked the tears away as she put another brick around her heart; hoping to be able to rebuild the wall before she broke.

"Baby?" Patty softly asked. She wanted to reach out and pull her daughter into a tight hug; but she knew her youngest well enough to know that this would be the wrong thing to do at the time. "Talk to me Paigey."

"Don't call me that." Paige whispered still not meeting her mother's eyes. "Only my sisters can call me that. Not You!" With that Paige looked up into her mother's eyes with spite.

"Why have you called me baby?" Patty asked as she blinked at how harshly Paige had spoken to her. The deep anger in Paige's eyes confused her.

"I want to know why wasn't I good enough?" Paige held up her right hand to stop her mother from speaking. "Enough with the lies mother. Why wasn't I bloodily good enough to keep and raise?"

**DOWNSTAIRS**

Henry walked down the stairs of the Halliwell manor; the manor that he had agreed to move into when Paige couldn't settle in his town house after their marriage. The manor that all ready housed her eldest 'living' sister; Piper, Piper's husband; Leo; and their two sons; Wyatt and Christopher. The manor that was becoming home to Henry Mitchell very quickly.

He listened intently for sounds of his sister in law and brother and law. And sighed in relief when he heard the Halliwell-Wyatt family in the family room . He made his way there and stopped as he watched Piper and Leo interact with their children. Wyatt who was four and Chris who was two were climbing all over their father while their mother was attacking both the boys. Henry smiled as he listened to he family laughter. He knew that soon he and Paige and their little one will be behaving in this fashion.

Piper looked up with laughter in her eyes to see Henry; Paige's husband standing in the door way with a huge smile on his face. "Hey there Henry."

"Go get Uncle Henry." Leo whispered in his sons ears which were currently next to his. "Hurry before he escapes the tickle monsters."

"Come on Chris." Wyatt cried as he let go of his father and stood to his feet and rushed to where is Uncle Henry was standing. He ran straight into his uncle's knees and reached up and started to tickle the part of Henry's stomach that he could reach.

Henry laughed and bent over and picked up Chris who was trying to reach up where his older brother could reach but failing.

"Come on Christopher; let Uncle Henry give you help to the easy access to his very special tickle spot." He knelt down so that he could sit on the floor so Wyatt could reach the spot also.

"Uncle Hen you are funny." Chris squealed as he followed his uncle's hands to the tickle spot." He couldn't say Henry yet so to him his Uncle was Hen.

Wyatt attacked his uncle with as much passion as his younger brother. The two children soon had their uncle laughing with tears almost rolling down his checks. "Cry Uncle!" Wyatt screamed in delight.

"Uncle Wyatt and Uncle Chris!" Henry managed to get out before he started to laugh once more. The small boys sure knew how to get their money's worth on his favorite tickle spot.

Leo had gotten up into a sitting position as his sons rushed Henry. He moved over so that he was sitting behind Piper; he wrapped his arms around his sixth month pregnant wife. He moved his head so he could rest it on her right shoulder. He watched his brother in law inter act with his sons.

Piper leaned back into her husband's hold. She smiled softly as she felt his hand on her womb. They knew that the baby inside her was a girl. They were finally having their daughter; their Melinda. "You are going to make a wonderful father Henry." She said as Henry and her sons finally settled down from their tickle feast.

"Thanks." Henry said as he lifted Chris a little higher in his left arm so Wyatt could have room to sit in front of him. "Before I met Paige I never dreamt about becoming a father. But Paige changed all that." He couldn't keep the smile off his face as he thought about his four month pregnant wife.

"How did Aunt Paige change all that Uncle Henry?" Wyatt loved to hear the story on how his aunt helped change his uncle's view point on father hood within the first weeks of getting to know one another.

"She put a lost baby in Uncle Hen's arms. Auntie Paige knew that if Uncle Hen took care of baby than Uncle Hen's biolly clock would start tick tick in his ear." Chris burst out before his uncle could tell the story.

"That's right Chris. After Paige and I found the lost baby; Paige thought it would be better if I took the baby to my townhouse until we found the mother or father." Henry smiled as he thought back to the first night that he had spent with the infant.

"I didn't even have a crib set up. I didn't even think of going out to buy a playpen when I was buying the baby items that I needed."

"But Aunt Paige helped you with what you needed. Like what size of diapers to buy and what formula to buy." Wyatt nodded his head as he turned his head back so that he could look upside down at his uncle.

"I was trying to either buy new born swaddles; or two year old sizes." Henry shook his head. "I knew I was in trouble when it came to the formula because I didn't know if the baby was allergic to anything. So while I held the baby in one arm and the shopping cart in front of me I called your Aunt Paige and begged her to help me buy the diapers and the formula."

"Paige even thought of buying the little tyke a stuff teddy bear with an alarm clock in it so when the baby's head was against it would think of being next to his mother's heart." Henry said with a soft smile.

"Like a newborn puppy?" Chris asked.

"Yes like a puppy." Leo said with a smile proud that his two year old son remembered that little lesson that Piper had thought him a few weeks ago after she read the boys the book about a little boy getting a puppy as a pet. Chris had been asking for a puppy ever since.

"Why didn't Aunt Paige think of getting a play pen when she helped you buy the baby items?" Wyatt turned his little body around so he could face quizzing up at his uncle.

"Paige had to orb to one of her charges; she later told me after she told me about her being a witch; so she had to leave me in a hurry after she helped me pick out what the baby needed while he stayed with me." Henry smiled softly again. "Paige even found a blanket with a brown dog's head on it to give to the baby while he slept."

"Like Chris's?" Wyatt asked.

"Like Chris's." Henry nodded and ruffled Chris's brown hair; which he got from his mother. Wyatt got his blond hair and his blue eyes from Leo. While Chris got his brown hair and brown eyes from Piper.

"Once I got the baby home I learned the importance of quickly changing his diaper when the baby peed not only over me but he even peed on his face." Henry laughed as he remembered his shock over that incident. "Let's say it took two times for that to happen for me to quicken my speed at diaper changing. Now I can change with the best of them."

"How can a baby pee on his own face?" Chris looked quizzing.

"Oh it can happen." Piper and Leo said together; than they burst into laughter.

Wyatt turned to his brother. "If the changer doesn't point your yahoo due south than when a boy baby has to pee without a diaper on the pee flies up to hit yourself in the face." He said in a knowing voice.

Chris nodded his head in understand. "But why don't girl baby's pee on themselves?" He asked.

"Because girl babies don't have yahoo; just boy babies." Wyatt said.

"Oh." Chris said. He turned back to look at his Uncle. "Tell us about the first time you gave the baby his bath Uncle Hen."

Piper and Leo smiled at how quickly the embarrassing questions had been handled and how quickly Chris went onto lighter and less embarrassing situations. They just loved children at this age. They were so innocent and full of questions.

"I didn't know that babies that size needed to be bathed in the sink. So there I was filling the bath tub full of water and than having to hold the baby with one hand and bathing him with the other. Let's just say as soon as I placed the baby in the water I knew that the water was to high and the tub was too slick for me to safely give him a bath. I gathered the naked baby in my arms and took the baby bouncer and put in the kitchen sink and bathed the little guy safely." Henry shook his head. "I told Paige about my adventure and she just had this look on her face wondering if she did the right thing leaving a little baby in my care. She told me that I should have automatically known to bath the baby in the sink."

"Even I know that silly." Chris yelped out in slight laughter.

"I know I was a dummy. But at least I was a fast learner." Henry gently ticked Chris's stomach.

"Tell us the first night sleeping." Chris said after he giggled.

"Well like I said earlier I didn't think of buying a crib or a play pen so I after I placed the baby in his car seat; which by the way he hated being in. I pulled out my bottom dresser drawer which was big and I created a nice high soft bed and placed the baby inside with his doggie blanket and the ticking clock bear beside his head. I covered him up with the soft blanket that Paige had picked out for him." Henry said.

"Tell us how baby boy didn't like drawer and he kept screaming." Chris gently demanded.

"So after twenty minutes of listening to the baby scream his little lungs out; and boy did that boy have a pair of lungs I'm telling you; I felt it was necessary to pick up him. He quieted down but he was still whimpering and looking up at me with the teary eyes afraid that I was going to put him back down again." Henry softly said. "I decided to pick up his doggie blanket and the soft blanket and carried the baby over to my bed. I managed to get under the covers and I made sure the baby had the doggie blanket in his arms before I covered him up nice warm and safe with the blanket. I managed to move so I was laying on my back and I tucked the little guy on to my chest with his stomach on my chest and his head close to my heart. We slept that way all night."

"But not all night right Uncle Henry?" Wyatt seriously said.

"The little guy managed to wake up three times during the night because he was hungry and needed his diaper changed. But I didn't let the little guy sleep in the drawer again; I learned my lesson on the score." Henry nodded his head. "That night I knew I wanted to be a father; just to have the privilege to hold my own child in the warm and safe cuddle as I held that little boy."

"What did baby boy do the following morning Uncle Hen?" Chris asked as he quickly wiped his eyes as he felt a few tears fall down his checks. He was a very sensitive boy but he didn't want Wyatt to tease him for his tears during this story; like how Wyatt always seemed to.

"It's ok Chris." Wyatt touched his little brother's shoulder. He wasn't going to make fun of Chris for being sensitive ever again. He finally got why Chris was teary eyed; he himself felt like tearing up; but Wyatt Matthew Halliwell was a typical boy and didn't know how to feel comfortable with showing his emotions. Especially his soft emotions; expect to his mother.

"Well the baby was somewhat cranky and always wanted to be held the following day. He didn't want me to set him down not even to be changed or for me to get his bottle ready." Henry face lit up at the memory. "If it wasn't for Paige stopping by mid morning I swear that child would have starved to death and I would have to explain why he was one sticky baby to my fellow police officers."

Piper and Leo grinned as they thought back to when Paige had orbed back into the manor and laughing told them about Henry's experience as a single dad on loan. All three were joking to see how long till Henry would throw the towel in. They were all surprised and very pleased when Henry had stuck it out and truly bonded with the baby and learned what a joy it was to have a baby depended slowly on him. They knew he would be a better man for it.

"So any way when I at the point of being so desperate because the baby wouldn't even allow me to get my phone to call Paige for assistance; Paige showed up at my door. I almost had tears running down my checks at the sight of the most beautiful God send Angel I have ever set my eyes on." Henry said.  
"Tell us how Aunt Paige busted your gut for your treatment of the baby boy." Wyatt laughed.

"Paige had the gall to blame me for the baby screaming his head off. She literally blamed me for the baby being miserable in my care." Henry shook his head. "She told me that I was one lousy human being for not knowing what to do with a small baby. She took the boy out of my arms and began to gently rock him back and forth and humming a soft lull bye. She was able to walk into the kitchen and warmed the bottle of formula and feed the baby without putting the boy down."

"Paige went away seriously doubting my ability to care for a infant. It wasn't until she stopped by later that night that I was able to tell her about my adventure in baby sitting the previous night and the rest of the day. Paige said that she was sorry for jumping down my case with the one time that she stopped by and the baby was having a cranky time." Henry pictured the night clearly.

"So what happen when you have to give baby back to his daddy?" Chris demanded.

"I told the baby's father what I thought about Paige not realizing that she was leaning against the door listening to me." Henry said. "I told her that I changed my view of fatherhood after watching the baby boy and I couldn't wait to settle down and have a child of my own."

"And that's how Auntie Paige helped Uncle Hen's biolly clock to tick tick." Chris said with a deep sigh. Well as deep of a sigh that his two year old body could take.

**END CHAPTER ONE**

**_Author's Note: I just thought this would be the time to have Henry talk about why he changed his view on father hood._**

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